The child who grew up feeling unseen learns to pour into others, hoping that, one day, someone will pour into them.

They become the caretaker. The fixer. The giver who loves without limits, often without boundaries, often without being truly seen themselves. These are survival mechanisms that become identities. And we keep repeating the same cycles that leave us overwhelmed and depleted. 

As a therapist, I see this pattern in so many women who come to therapy exhausted. Women who give and give, who hold space for everyone, who anticipate everyone’s needs, who feel responsible for keeping the peace and carrying the weight of relationships on their shoulders. They are often praised for their strength, their empathy, their reliability, and inside, they feel empty, unseen, and quietly resentful.

Because beneath all this giving is a silent hope:

That someone will finally give to them what they’ve spent a lifetime giving to everyone else.

That someone will notice their tiredness, their unspoken needs, their hidden pain.

That someone will see them.

But healing requires us to recognize that the love we are seeking cannot be fully sourced externally. It begins with us seeing ourselves. With learning to sit with our own unmet needs without shame. With allowing ourselves to receive love without guilt. With setting boundaries so that our giving comes from fullness, not depletion.

You deserve to be seen. To be loved. To be poured into, not just for what you can do for others, but for who you are.

And you deserve to learn how to pour into yourself first, so that love becomes a shared exchange, not an exhausting transaction rooted in your childhood wounds.

Reflection for you:

Where in your life are you overgiving in the hope of being seen, loved, or chosen?

What would it look like to pour that love into yourself first?

If this is your story, you don’t have to carry it alone. Therapy can help you untangle the patterns that keep you stuck in cycles of overgiving and unworthiness, and learn how to receive the love you deserve.

With care,🤍

Aniela

photo: Pinterest