Some women don’t get to live soft lives. They get handed chaos, grief, betrayal, and they have to learn how to bloom anyway.

And many of these women become the ones who hold everyone else together when their world falls apart. They are the helpers, the fixers, the ones who check in on others, the strong ones you can always count on.

But what’s underneath this?

Often, it’s a child who learned early that love was conditional. A child who had to grow up too fast because no one else was there. A child who learned that her needs were too much or too inconvenient, so she learned to silence them, to be responsible, to hold space for others instead.

Over time, this survival adaptation becomes a way of being. Over-functioning becomes an identity. Holding others becomes a habit. Caring becomes a role we feel we cannot step away from. And the culture and society where we grow up value women being in this way. It is something acceptable and appreciated. It is expected that women can do everything: having an exhausting job where she needs to perform while being a good mother, a supportive wife, taking care of an household, also having an active social life.

And what is the cost?

Exhaustion. Overwhelm. A life where we feel responsible for everyone else’s feelings while quietly abandoning ourselves.

Many women carry this unspoken grief of never having had the space to fall apart, to be held, to be small and soft, to rest in safety. Their worth got tied to what they could do for others, how well they could perform, how much they could hold.

They’re not here because it was easy.

They’re here because they didn’t give up.

But just because you can hold it all doesn’t mean you should.

Healing is learning to let yourself be held, too. Learning to rest without guilt. Learning that your needs are not a burden, your softness is not a weakness, and you are worthy even when you are not holding the world together.

It’s a journey back to yourself. To a life where you are allowed to bloom, not because you had to, but because you finally feel safe enough to.

I know, it is not an easy journey. Sometimes looks like is almost impossible. You cannot stop without fearing that everything will fall apart. I hear you. It is scary, not familiar. You fear others will judge you but most of all, you fear your own judgement.

Even if you know you have to slow down, to learn how to be more gentle with yourself, to rest, to care for your needs, you don’t know how to do that. You have to hold space for your feelings: shame, guilt, fear, anger grieve, loneliness.

To change the direction, is scary. But don’t forget, you have more strength that you know. You are brave and you know so well to hold so much.

Now, take a deep breath and give yourself permission to learn how to hold yourself. You can start by accepting to be held by someone else who can create this safe space for you to find the way back to yourself!

With much love,🤍

Aniela

photo: Pinterest