Not all trauma comes from what was done to us.

Some of it comes from what was never given.

As a therapist, I often meet adults who carry invisible burdens, yet when asked about their childhood, they hesitate.

They say things like:

“Nothing really bad happened.”

“My parents did the best they could.”

“I was provided for, I had food, a house, school…”

And yet, beneath that surface, is a quiet ache. The kind that doesn’t come from violence or chaos, but from absence.

Absence of nurturing words.

Absence of safe emotional attunement.

Absence of being truly seen.

A child who doesn’t receive consistent affirmation or appreciation often grows into an adult who second-guesses their worth.

They might:

Become perfectionistic, always striving to be “good enough.”

Settle for relationships where they are emotionally overlooked.

Struggle to accept compliments or believe they are lovable.

Feel like they have to perform to be accepted or validated.

Because when your emotional world was not met with curiosity, tenderness, or presence, you learn to hide it.

You learn to disconnect from your own needs.

You learn that expressing hurt or wanting comfort is “too much.”

And so, you cope by becoming strong. Capable. Self-sufficient. Invisible.

But inside, that child is still waiting for someone to say:

“I see you. I’m here. You matter. You are enough as you are.”

That’s the silent wound: not what happened, but what didn’t.

Not the loud chaos, but the quiet disconnection.

Not the visible scars, but the missing pieces of safety, belonging, and love.

Healing these wounds takes gentleness. It means allowing grief to surface, for the comfort that never came, for the love that felt conditional, for the self that was never fully welcomed.

But it also means reparenting ourselves.

Offering the words we needed.

Creating spaces, internally and externally, where our truth, our needs, and our emotions are safe to be felt.

You are allowed to name what was missing.

You are allowed to grieve it.

You are allowed to reclaim the parts of you that adapted to survive in that emotional emptiness.

And you are worthy, today, of receiving the love and safety you didn’t get then.

May you grieve the quiet ache of what you never received.

May you stop apologizing for needing comfort, praise, or presence.

May you find peace in knowing you didn’t imagine the lack.

And may you remember: your worth was never tied to what others failed to give you.

You were always enough!🤍

Aniela

Photo: Pinterest