We often think of trauma as the painful events we lived through: the chaos, the yelling, the moments we were hurt or humiliated.

But some of the deepest wounds are carved in the silence:

The words of love we never heard.

The comfort we never received.

The safe arms that never held us when we were scared.

The validation that never came when we needed to know we mattered.

When we grow up without emotional presence, warmth, or attunement, it shapes us just as much as any event we survived. We learn to work for love, to overfunction, to become who we think we need to be to earn a crumb of connection.

We learn to disconnect from our needs, to quiet our longings, to survive in an emotional desert.

Healing is not only about processing the moments of pain we remember. It’s also about grieving what we did not receive. It’s about giving ourselves, now, the care, validation, and kindness we needed then.

It’s about learning that we are not too much for wanting love, presence, and safety. We always deserved it.

We all crave this care, nurturing love from another and if we have the chance to meet someone who loves us this way, we don’t only fulfill our needs as adults but also our long neglected needs as children.

May you remember that the absence of love is also something worth healing from. And may you learn to offer yourself today the tenderness you once needed, so you can finally feel safe enough to live, not just survive.

Reflection:

What did I need as a child that I did not receive?

How does the absence of love or validation still shape my patterns today?

How can I begin to give myself now what I once needed?

If this resonates, you are not alone. Healing these silent wounds is deep, courageous work, and you are worthy of it.

With care,🤍

Aniela

Photo: Pinterest