As a parent, and because of my work, I know that when a child feels safe with you, it means you are doing something right.

My work and my personal life, as a woman and a mother, are built around safety. I wish I could say I am always good at this. But life and experience have humbled me.

I am doing a good job as a therapist. I have stretched myself many times, setting aside my own struggles so I can hold a safe space for my clients. It is my work to sit with people, to hold them with care in their pain, to offer a space where they can breathe.

And I do this for them, sometimes while failing to do the same for myself, and even for my family. That truth hurts to say. But it is still true.

I am saying this with tenderness for my heart and my humanity, because it is not easy to always be present, gentle, and kind with yourself. And when you cannot be a safe presence for you, it becomes harder to be that safety for your children.

Maybe you’ve felt this too.

I imagine you are reading, learning, practicing, doing your best to be a safe space for your kids, but like me, sometimes you are not. And like me, you may feel guilt, shame, sadness, or harsh self-judgment.

It broke my heart the day my daughter told me she didn’t feel safe enough to talk to me about something important to her. She said she felt me distracted, not fully available, not present enough to give her my attention.

And she was right.

Even though I didn’t do anything visibly different, there were moments when she felt my emotional unavailability, because I was depleted, overwhelmed, without support, without real rest from responsibilities and my own challenges. What was left was a lack of true presence. And she felt it.

And she called me out.

She held me accountable. She reminded me what she needs from me. And at the same time, she reminded me not to be so harsh with myself, because I am a good mom most of the time, and sometimes I’m not. And that’s okay.

Hearing this, I understood something deeply.

She needs me, and she feels safe enough with me now to tell me this. And that, in itself, is huge.

I thanked her for sharing her heart with me, and I told her I would do my best to do better.

She smiled and said, “I know, Mom. You are a good mom. Don’t try so hard to make me happy, and don’t be so hard on yourself. I just need food and some attention.”

She made my heart smile.

From this experience, I received a beautiful message from my seven-year-old daughter:

Sometimes safety is found in those tender moments when your child shares something that breaks your heart, and at the same time reminds you that they don’t need a perfect mother, but a human one. A mother who also remembers to offer compassion to herself.

And in that moment, my body softened.

My heart felt safe.

And I could breathe again, deeply.

Sending much love to myself and to all of you, parents! You are doing a good enough job!

Aniela🤍