We live in a culture that tells us that the right man or woman will fix everything in our life.

Dating scene became an extreme sport and a big challenge to overcome.

We often hear that if we find the right person, our anxiety will vanish, our loneliness will dissolve, our old wounds will disappear.

That if we just love each other enough, we will become new, healed versions of ourselves.

But real love doesn’t work like that.

I really believe Love heals. At deep levels that our mind barely understands.

But love does not meet us just in our best versions of ourselves.

Doesn’t ask for us to be healed.

Real love meets us in our humanity.

It meets us in the mornings when old fears rise again, 

when our partner’s silence feels like rejection,

when we find ourselves needing reassurance we thought we had outgrown.

It meets us when we are still carrying the weight of childhood pain,

and when our partner’s struggles feel heavy and unsolvable.

It’s so easy to fall into the trap of believing it’s our job to fix the one we love.

To rescue them from their sadness.

To manage their triggers so we don’t feel discomfort.

To think that if we just do everything right, they’ll be okay,

and then maybe we’ll be okay too.

Love doesn’t ask us to fix the other one. 

This role is learned early in our life when we needed to fix, save, protect to be loved instead of being loved unconditionally.

But love is not a rehabilitation center.

Your partner is not your project.

And you are not theirs.

Your anxiety is not a flaw that makes you unworthy of love.

Their moments of withdrawal are not a sign you should stop showing up.

Your sensitivity is not too much.

Their need for space is not a rejection.

We can love each other without trying to fix each other.

We can hold space without holding the weight.

We can stay close, kind, and present, without carrying the impossible task of rescuing someone from their own becoming.

Love is not about perfection.

It’s about presence.

About showing up honestly, again and again, even when it’s messy.

Because the couples who grow together are not the ones who eliminate all problems.

They are the ones who learn how to be human beside each other,

with grace, compassion, and a willingness to stay through the tenderness.

Your job is not to save your partner.

Your job is to love them in their becoming,

just as you learn to love yourself in yours.

This is how love becomes a sanctuary.

Not a place of pressure.

But a space of presence.

A place where we heal not by fixing each other,

but by being seen and held exactly as we are.

May your love be soft enough to hold what hurts,

strong enough to witness without rescuing,

wide enough to let each other breathe.

May you meet in the mess,

not with tools to fix, but with arms to hold,

and hearts that whisper, “You’re safe here, as you are.”

May you remember that healing is not a demand,

but a quiet unfolding beside someone who stays.

May your love be a sanctuary

not because it makes you perfect,

but because it makes you free.

With love,🤍

Aniela

Photo: Pinterest

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