As a mother and a therapist, I’ve come to understand that one of the most sacred things we can do for our children is to walk beside them when they are grieving. Whether it’s the loss of a grandparent, a friend who moved away, or broke the relationship with them, a pet they adored, or the heartbreak of their parents separation, grief touches our children earlier than we wish it would. We cannot avoid or protect them from that.

Loss is part of life.

So the question becomes:

How do we help them hold what hurts, without rushing them through it?

The answer is not in fixing.

Not in distracting.

Not in offering false reassurances like “It’s not that bad.” or “Don’t cry.”

The answer is in presence.

It’s in sitting beside them and saying, “I’m here.”

In letting them cry, letting them be angry, confused, or silent.

In making room for their emotions instead of making them feel like they should “be strong” or “move on.” It’s very hard. It hurts a lot to see them suffering. But we cannot save them from pain. We should not do that. Pain is unavoidable. More useful is to te ah them how to deal with suffering. That’s the most valuable lesson.

Children don’t need us to take their pain away.

They need us to validate it.

To tell them it’s okay to be sad.

It’s okay to miss what was.

It’s okay to not have words for the ache inside.

It’s okay to take time.

Loss teaches children about impermanence, about love, and about letting go.

And how they are allowed to feel in those moments shapes how they will carry grief for the rest of their lives.

We teach them, by how we respond, that emotions are safe.

That nothing they feel is too much for us to hold.

That love doesn’t vanish just because someone is no longer with us.

Sometimes we don’t know what to say, and that’s okay too.

Your calm presence, your open arms, your willingness to be with them in their sorrow, matters far more than perfect words.

Grief comes in waves.

Let your child grieve in their own way, in their own time.

And if you find yourself grieving too, let them see that.

Let them see that sadness is not something to hide, but something to feel, share, and move through, together.

We don’t need to protect our children from the truth of loss.

We need to hold them through it, with tenderness, honesty, and deep love.

That is what teaches them resilience.

That is what teaches them they are never alone. And even through pain and loss, they are safe.

With love,

Aniela 🤍

photo: Pinterest